September | 2005 | TheOptimist's Xanga Site

Month: September 2005

Yep, I'm still totally digging this song.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep...stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste...could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you
Tears streaming down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears streaming down your face and I...
Tears streaming down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you
I'm in love with this song "Fix you" by coldplay...I can relate to the lyrics/music so well right now...so I made it my xanga background music. You like?

I think I'll try to learn to play it on keyboard or guitar tomorrow.

Here's another fun survey for you; come on, you know you secretly love them!

Ten Years Ago:

I was 14 years old.

My family moved to the middle of no where on a farm in Missouri, to a tiny town called "stark city" which was definetly stark, the population was only 32.(all of which were over the age of 50)

I called Missouri "Misery" because it truely made me miserable.

I was homeschooled and spent most my free time reading, day dreaming(about living somewhere else) and playing the piano.

I wanted to run away and move to new york city, but never actually did that.

Five Years Ago:

I was 19 years old.

We moved to yet another farm, in Taylorsville, GA this time. Not quite as miserable, but too far out in the country for my liking.

I worked at wherehouse music store in towncenter mall, and spent all my paychecks on CD's(woohoo!)

I debated between moving to New York or London as a live in nanny, or going to massage therapy school. I decided on massage therapy school. (I still sometimes wonder if I made the right choice.)

I started working at studio 316 and made lots of the bestest friends I've ever had, and still have to this day.

Amanda and I started playing together leading worship at studio 316 and just jamming outside after it closed each night.

One Year Ago:

I went to the beach with my parents.

I worked as a massage therapist at the YMCA.

Played/sang at coffeehouses/churches/resteraunts/festivals with Amanda.

Dyed my hair black, blonde and red all in the same year. (but not at the same time)

Yesterday: Babysit my nephew. Finished watching the first season of "Lost" with my mom. Started writing a new song.

Five Snacks That I Enjoy: 1. Fruit 2.cheese 3. chips/pretzils 4. veggies 5. cookies

Five Songs I know All The Words To: I could cheat and list 5 songs that I wrote, but I'll make it harder and list 5 songs that I didn't write; Clocks by Coldplay, Undo me by Jennifer Knapp, If You want me to by Ginny Owens, Frail by Jars of Clay, Why does it always rain on me by Travis.

Five Things I Would Do With 100 Million Dollars: 1. Pay off all of my family, friends and my debt and give my family and friends some money too 2. Tithe(give to churches/poor/good causes 3. Open a starbucks, steak n shake and AMC 24 Theater in Cartersville 4. Open a music venue and a spa in kennesaw or cartersville 5. I'll admit it, I would spend some of the money on myself (Build houses in Georgia, Florida, Hawaii, Australia, London and Ireland. Buy myself a really nice IPOD and laptop, plus build a recording studio in my house, get a gibson les paul guitar and fender jazz bass.

Five Places I Would Run Away To: I wouldn’t run away, but places I’d like to go would be:

Australia, Ireland, Prince Edward Island Canada, New Zealand, Hawaii

Five Things I Would Never Wear: A bikini or any other revealing clothing (except just for my future husband), a shirt advertising Brittany Spears, high heeled shoes(I'm way too klutzy, the one time I wore them I almost broke my neck!) Turtlenecked shirts(I can't stand the feeling of something being tight around my neck like that) a t-shirt with profanity on the logo.

Five Favorite TV Shows: Lost!!!, Smallville, That 70's show, Gilmore girls, One tree hill

Five bad Habits: Rarely cleaning my bedroom, staying up till the wee small hours of the morning and sleeping in to the afternoon, never flossing, running out of money, Not eating anything till 4pm and then eating at like 2am. Wow I sound like a really horrible person, don't I?

Five Fictional Character I Would Date: Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables, Laurie from Little Women(Laurie's a guy incase you were wondering, lol!) Fred, George or Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter books.

Five Biggest Joys: God, Family, Friends, Music, Books/Movies
***Starbucks Open Mic Night***

Amanda, Cory and I(and possibly Jason)will be playing at the open mic night at Starbucks in Kennesaw, this friday at 8:30pm. (it's the starbucks next to the wal-mart shopping center heading north towards acworth on 41/cobb parkway in kennesaw)

Here's the address so you can mapquest it, and the number if you'd rather call for directions.

Hope to see you there...and if not there then at the arts festival at roselawn that we're playing at on sunday! ( directions posted at www.xanga.com/sweet_the_sound )

If you're a musician and want to play at starbucks too, just bring your instruments and come on, they have a sound system we can use there.

Starbucks

3103 Cobb Pkwy Nw
Kennesaw, GA 30152

(770) 974-3779 (Cobb Parkway next to Wal Mart Plaza)
I just finished watching the season finally of the first season of lost...

My mom and I somehow managed to watch the entire first season of lost in 3 days. (we literally got "lost in lost" haha)

Now I can't wait for the second season to start next wednesday...

I am totally addicted to it now.

My favorite charictor is charlie, which is the musician played by the same guy that played merry in lord of the rings.

I'll go for the funny/dorky musician type over the pretty boy type anyday!
I still haven't found out if I got that job or not, they said it might be later this afternoon before they let me know though, so I'm not worried.

Apparently my mom's cat thought it needed a bath and tried to sneak in with the laundry.

It's eyes look a little creepy here, don't they?
My older sister Samantha came over last night and brought a DVD with her for us to watch.

It was the entire 1st season of a TV show that started airing last year and that both my older sisters LOVED but I never got around to seeing...

I heard a buzz in the media about this show and how wonderful it was and how it has like this gigantic following now, but I just thought "*shrugs*, another stupid tv show, what's the big deal? And never watched an episode last season.

However, my sister loved it so much, she bought the 1st season on DVD and said that I must promise to watch at least the first episode with her, and if I didn't like it then I never had to watch it ever again...but if I liked it that she would leave the DVD with me so I could watch the whole first season before the 2nd season starts coming on in two weeks.

But after seeing the first episode, I was so enthralled that I watched 8 more episodes one after the other...My mom and I stayed up till 3:30am last night watching it, lol!

If you like adventue/action movies, then you must definetly go to blockbuster and rent the first season of "Lost" (2004)

It's about these people that get stranded on a desert island when their plane crashes...

And the island has alot of mysterious/supernatural things going on...it's awesome.

It's not like any tv show I've ever seen, it's more like a really good action/adventure movie you went to see in the theater but that continues every week, it's really cool and leaves you hanging on the edge of your seat.

Oh and it stars Dominic Monaghan, who played "Merry" in Lord of the rings, he plays a rock star that was on the plane.

You must check it out and let me know what you think.

But you HAVE to watch it from the first episode or you won't have a clue what's going on.

That's why you need to rent the whole season on DVD.

My friend Derek, (SealOfServants) posted a really thought provoking entry on his xanga today with questions for girls about guys.... I encourage you to go visit his site and read it and answer the questions if you have the time. His entries are almost always thought provoking and he's probably one of the most steadfast and strong Christians I've ever had the honor of meeting. Here are his questions and my answers.

Okay first of all, before you read my answers to the questions, let me admit that I am no expert on romantic relationships, I've honestly never even had one...but I do have opinions, wonderings and thoughts about the topic so I decided to answer the questions derek asked.

I know y'all are going to think that my answers are very "christian" and only coming from a christian point of view and don't apply to all the guys and girls that are non-believers, and that is true, I won't deny it.

But I am who I am and that is going to show through my answers.

The world's way of viewing relationships is totally different from God's way, therefore it's hard for me to answer these questions with out it sounding like it's coming from a christians point of view..because it IS.

I can't imagine how my life with be with out Christ, therefore I can't answer these questions as if Christ isn't the center of my life.

That said, here are the questions and my answers;

What you want in a man:

1) What are the uncompromisable, absolute essentials that any guy must have before you would seriously consider getting into a relationship with him? Why these traits? What are some of the traits that put a man over the top for being quality material? Why these traits? Elaborate as much as needed. He MUST share the same faith/beliefs that I do. I want my whole life to be centered around God, including friendships/relationships, so if his isn't, and we're not both headed towards the same goal(God) things are NOT going to work between us. And I want to see him WALKING in his faith, not just TALKING it...I believe when someone is truely walking with God you can see the fruits of the spirit and Godliness in that person...in the dictionary under the word "Godliness" it says "knowledge, veneration, affection, dependence, submission & gratitude towards God". That is exactly what I want to see in my guy. I won't accept someone who just talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk.

2) Guys tend to think that when women talk about problems, they want the guy to help her fix them. Most of the time, this isn't what she wants. What do you want from a guy you are venting to about a bad day or a problem? How does he know when you're asking for advice or when you're just venting? Elaborate as much as needed. I think most girls don't have a problem asking for advice when they want it, or for help..it's like that whole theory about guys not wanting to stop and ask for directions when they're lost... I mean typically I think most girls would actually ask the guy "what do you think I should do" and if she doesn't, then she was probably just venting and she probably doesn't want his help. lol. I however, usually try not to vent unless I'm asking someone for help, but I would just outright ask them what they thought and not just vent and expect him to give me advice... but I do know some people who vent all the time with out wanting advice in return... So yeah basically, if someone doesn't ask you for advice, don't give it...or if you must, just ASK them if they'd like you to give them advice. lol.

3) Guys tend to have a hard time deciphering girls' signals, wondering whether a girl is interested in him or if he's just reading her wrong. What are some genric, positive signals that you send out to the right guy to let him know you're interested? Elaborate as much as needed. I think this is a hard one for most christian girls since alot of us try not to be too forward or lead at all. I think alot of us try to treat the guy we like just like we treat all of our friends and everyone else, but that's probably why it leaves the guys so confused, lol!! I mean we don't want to be too obvious because what if the guy doesn't like us back? And we don't want to scare him away if he DOES like us, so I think most the time we try to treat him like everyone else, or at least, that's what I do...but even then I guess there can be small signals, that we send with out even meaning to. Like if you're hanging with a group of people and she always ends up sitting next to you, or if she always seems really interested in what you say, or if every time you look at her she's looking at you, then she probably likes you, lol!
4) There's a fine line between "want" and "need" when it comes to attraction. Girls want guys to want them, but don't want guys who are clingy. How much is enough when it comes to pursuing a girl and how much is too much? Give examples. Elaborate as much as needed. Well, I for one am TOTALLY freaked out when a guy says he likes me before he really knows me as a friend...that is a total turn off and will send me running the other way! I want the guy to take the time to know me as a friend first...plan group events and invite me to them, really get to know me and decide if he REALLY likes me alot before he says anything. When guys try to go too fast it is really scary. Well to me, anyway. And okay say that a guy took the time to get to know me as a friend first, and decides he really like me and knows I like him and say we've started a romantic relationship - it's fine if he wants to call me every day, but I would NOT want someone calling me 10 times a day, that is just like stalkerish. And if he calls and I didn't answer and he leaves a message, DON'T call back multiple times and leave multiple messages. If I haven't called back after one message then it probably means I am busy and leaving 20 more messages will only annoy me, not make me call you back faster, lol. I also am the type that needs a little space, I don't want to hang out every single minute of every single day....I'd actually be fine seeing someone every other day. Of course I've never been in love or in a romantic relationship at all so that might change when I am, but for now it would annoy me if someone was wanting to hang out every single day. I have a life and hope he does too. I want to be pursued, but not stalked. lol.

5) Assuming you're in a serious relationship with a guy, how does he view his relationship with you? What does he do on a regular basis to let you know how much he cares about you? Elaborate as much as needed. Friendship is most important to me, because romantic sparks aren't ALWAYS going to be there, so it's most important to me that he cherishes and works on our friendship first of all....if you compared a romantic relationship to a cake, I'd say friendship was the cake and romance was the icing. With out the cake the icing would just colapse, and I think romantic relationships are the same way, with out friendship, they're not going to last. So first of all work on the friendship, basically treat me as you would your best friend - but just throw in little romantic things on the side to let me know you care that way too - cuz that's the icing on the cake. like flowers every once in a while or a love song or poem or holding hands or something, basic romantic stuff.

What you DON'T want in man:

1) What are some major turnoffs when it comes to guys? Why these things? Are there any particular bad character traits that are major turnoffs? Why these traits? Elaborate as much as needed. I hate it when guys are full of themselves...the biggest turn off to me is when a guy talks all about himself bragging about himself and never listens or pays attention to anyone else. I also HATE it when he talks badly or puts other people down. I don't like the "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude, either. I like when a guy respects others beliefs even if he disagrees with them. Sarcasim is a big turn off to me too...I'm a VERY trusting/believing person and most the type when people are being sarcastic I can't even tell and think they are being serious, and then feel stupid when I find out they were joking. I HATE sarcastic or meanly joking...saying something cruel to someone and then saying "Just kidding" is NOT cool in my book. I want a guy who encourages and uplifts people, not tares and puts people down.

2) Assuming you weren't in a relationship, what are the biggest frustrations for you when it comes to guys you are interested in? What are the frustrations when it comes to guys you're NOT interested in? Elaborate as much as needed. Haha, this one is easy for me to answer seeing as I'm NOT in a relationship and never have been. It frustrates me when guys don't take the lead....I've really liked guys before and talked to friends about it and they're like "maybe he likes you too and is just afraid to say something"... that really frustrates me, to think that I have really liked guys and they might've liked me back but not let me know...call me old fashioned, but I want the guy to take the lead. If you like me, let me know. Outright TELL me, if you have to, cuz subtle hints aren't always clear to me. Take a chance...BE A MAN. Tell a girl if you like her. If she doesn't like you back, she will most likely just be flattered. It's not like she will hate you or anything.

3) A lot guys will become interested in a particular girl and try to become closer with her. Eventually, they find that they aggrevated the girl because they didn't "get the signals" that the girl wasn't interested and end up heart-broken. What are some generic signals you send to a guy who's interested in you and you're NOT interested in? Elaborate as much as needed. I try not to lead guys on at all....for instance, if a guy likes me and I know it but I don't like him, I won't be mean to him or anything, but like, I'll just answer him in one syllables and not seem that interested in what he's saying. I'll be polite, but not FRIENDLY. And I'll say no if he invites me places, I'll have an excuse not to go. If you ask a girl different places like 3 times and she says no every time, take a hint, she's not interested. If I don't seem that talkative or responsive or interested in what you're saying, it's probably because I'm NOT interested, LOL!!!

4) What are some of the worst things a guy can do or not do when he's in a serious relationship with you? How does the guy doing or not doing these things make you feel? To bring up a specific issue, guys can have a tendency to let their eyes and thoughts wander to places they shouldn't when talking with girls. How does this specifically make you feel? Elaborate as much as needed. I've never been in a serious relationship, so this is hard for me to answer....but I imagine that I would want my guy to treat me like a friend, listen when I talk, enjoy just hanging out and doing fun or amusing things that you would do with a friend. If he doesn't listen to me or seem that interested in what I'm saying, I'll think he's really NOT interested in me at all. If he doesn't enjoy spending time with me or hanging out, then that's going to send signals that he doesn't WANT to spend time with me and hang out. If you're interested in a girl, SEEM interested. Listen when she talks. Take an interests in her hobbies. Enjoy hanging out with her even if it's just hanging out and doing nothing but staying at home sitting on the couch.

5) Girls tend to have a great desire to feel "secure" in a relationship. What does a girl mean by "secure?" Why is it so important for girls to feel secure? What are some traits that make guys "secure" in the sense of their being able to provide security in a relationship? How about traits on an "insecure" guy in the same sense? What are some areas where guys generally fail in making women in general feel secure? What are some ways that guy in a relationship with a girl fail in making her feel secure? What can guys do to make the lady in their relationship feel secure? Elaborate as much as needed. I think I would feel insecure if my guy didn't seem interested in me or what I have to say...I mean if we're hanging out with a group and he totally ignores me the whole time, but then says he loves me when we're alone, I'm going to feel insecure....like he only likes me because i'm there at the time and no one else is. I mean I don't expect him to put all of his focus on me when we're in a big group, but at least give me a little attention. If he constintly talks about other girls to me or how pretty they are or how cool they are then I'm definetly going to feel incsecure.... basically the more interested you seem in her and the less interested in other girls, the more secure she'll feel. Or I would, anyway. I mean it's ok for my guy to have friends that are girls that he respects and likes as a friend, don't get me wrong...but I've seen relationships where the guy totally ignores the girl in public and then when they're alone treats her like a queen. Treat her like a queen all the time, not just when you're alone.

Closing thoughts/Comments

1) What are your final words to the guys? Agape love is mesmerizing. When you love a girl even when she doesn't deserve it...when you do something for her with out expecting anything in return...that is very rare. It's the love God shows us but we as humans struggle showing agape love...but I believe the closer we are to God the more we will show agape love to other's. When we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on God, then we'll desire to serve other's more and focus more on God and other's and less on ourselves. Seek God. Try practising agape love. Agape love is something you have to make an effort to practice. It's something everyone struggles with.... taking the focus off of themselves and putting it on God and other's. Loving other's who don't deserve it. Doing things for other's with out expecting anything in return. That is agape love. If you show a girl agape love, I think she'll find you pretty irrisistable.

Lauren W. and I made a serious confession to each other tonight...

We're both suffering from a MAJOR addiction to Agnax.

Nothing can be done about it, and even if something COULD be done to help us stop it, we wouldn't. *sighs*
Oh...MY...GOSH...

My mom is evil, mean and wicked and now I know where I got all my wickedness from because I would TOTALLY do to someone what she just did to me...LOL!

Observe -

What looks like 3 totally normal gummy bears.

My mom hands them to me and says "Try these new gummy bear flavors, popcorn, chicken and orange cream".

I thought "cool"! And poped the yellow one in my mouth expecting popcorn flavor and immediately spit it out when I was surprised by a very strong flavor which tasted like what those beef jerky chews for pets SMELL like.

I asked my mom if it was a dog treat and she said YES! LOL!

My mom tricked me into eating DOG TREATS!!!

Well, i didn't actually EAT it though, spit it out before even biting it. My mom said she actually bit one because she thought it was my sister's candy she left on the table and she said after biting into it the flavor is even stronger and stuck in your mouth for hours.

Haha, so with out even trying, my sister tricked both mom and I into eating her dogs treats. Way to go, Meghan!!
I thought this would make a funny picture...it's my mom's cat, sleeping on a cat sofa which is sitting on a regular sofa. I found the fact that the cat sofa was on the regular sofa at all was kind of funny, and I thought the position he's sleeping in was funny too.